Darkest End of the Spectrum
by ProcrastinationQueen
Summary: Joan becomes a victim of another's free will when she is raped. How far down the spectrum will she and those around her go in the aftermath?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I found this story in an old notebook. My computer died shortly after I had started writing fanfic almost two years ago, and I wrote some stuff in a notebook and then forgot about it. At the time, I had recently posted The Year's End, a not-so-happy Christmas story about Joan being abducted. I opted against going down a really deep dark path with that story, and apparently went on ahead with it in this tale, which is completely unrelated to The Year's End. I don't know what exactly was going through my head at the time, but this ain't a pretty bedtime story, folks. I'll post additional chapters as I get more of the story typed up. Without further ado, here's the first installment.

* * *

"Oh crap! I'm gonna be late," Joan exclaimed as she looked at her watch. It was going to be impossible to get home by her curfew. "I'm sorry, Adam. I've got to go. Maybe if I'm only a couple of minutes late Mom and Dad'll let it slide." She quickly kissed him goodbye and hurried toward the car and home. She'd just gotten over being grounded after going to the concert with Adam, and she didn't feel like getting grounded again.

As she stopped at a stop sign a few blocks from Adam's house, she pulled out her cell phone to let her parents know she was on her way home, hoping to preempt any possible punishment. She didn't notice a man approach the car from the passenger side until he opened the door and got in. She looked up in shock that quickly turned into fear as he pointed a gun at her and barked, "Drive!"

She drove a couple of blocks, turning where he said until they approached an alley.

"Turn in there," the man ordered.

Once she had done so, he spoke again. "Ok. Turn off the lights and put the car in park, but leave the engine running."

Joan did as he commanded, but the way he looked at her made her skin crawl, and she hoped he just wanted the car and would let her go.

"Get in the back seat," he ordered.

Joan just stared at him, wondering what was happening.

"Are you deaf? Do it! Now!"

She did as she was told, but she knew she had to get away. Everything her father had taught her about the dangers of being taken to a second crime scene began to run through her mind. She slowly began to slide toward one of the back doors, but suddenly found the gun pointed at her head.

"Don't even think about it."

Joan sat very still and watched as he climbed into the back seat with her. He began to push her down onto the seat and she started to struggle. The gun was back up against her head in an instant.

"Don't move or you'll get it. Understand?"

He kissed her, hard and rough and sloppy, and she had to fight back the urge to vomit. As he began to pull at her clothes, she began to panic. This couldn't be happening. Ignoring his earlier warnings, she tried to push him off of her. "No! Let me go!"

She froze in silence as she heard the distinctive sound of the safety on the gun being turned off.

"The next sound, the next move you make, will be your last," he growled as he forced her legs apart.

When he yanked up her skirt, she felt the cold hit her legs and then settle in the pit of her stomach. She felt sick, knowing what was going to happen. She heard a zipper being undone, and she shut her eyes and turned her face slightly away. She was aware of the cold, damp night air, the hard barrel of the gun pressing against her cheek, the man's crushing weight on her chest, and finally, a tearing, searing pain. Their skin slapped together in a sickening rhythm as he brutally thrust himself inside of her over and over. The agony was unbearable, and Joan shut her eyes tighter and tried to wish herself away. She didn't want to think. She didn't want to feel. She began to focus on other things, anything but what was happening to her. The air freshener her mom had just put in the car (what scent was that?). The song playing on the radio (she had never liked that song).

When the third song started, he stopped. Joan didn't move when he got off of her – she couldn't. And even though he was no longer lying on top of her, the suffocating feeling in her chest was still there.

She was barely aware of what was happening when she found herself being shoved roughly out of the car and onto the ground, used and discarded. She looked up and saw the taillights fading and disappearing as the car quickly pulled away. She didn't know how long she sat there before she realized she had to try to get home. Still in a daze, she got to her feet and began walking in the general direction of her house. She looked at her watch as she passed under a street lamp, and irrational worries filled her mind. She was so late, and Mom and Dad were going to be really mad at her for missing her curfew. And what was she supposed to tell them about the car? She was sure they were going to kill her.

* * *

Joan approached her house and saw several lights still on. Shit. She went around to the back door, hoping that she could sneak up the back stairs and into bed. Then in the morning, maybe tonight would just have been a bad dream, something that had never happened. She opened the door quietly and stepped inside, shutting the door behind her just as quietly. Before she could turn around, the sound of her mother's voice made her freeze.

"Joan Girardi, where the hell have you been? Do you have any idea what time it is? And why didn't you call?"

Joan turned to face her mother, but stayed silent.

"Well? Joan, I'm waiting for an explanation."

Joan didn't know what to say. How was she supposed to explain this?

Helen approached her daughter, who still hadn't moved into the kitchen but stood in the shadows of the entryway. "Joan?"

Joan suddenly felt like she was about to shatter into a thousand pieces. She opened her mouth, and words came pouring out. "I'm sorry, Mom. I'm so sorry about the car. I'm –"

"Wait, wait. The car? What's happened? Did you have an accident?"

Helen stepped closer to Joan and saw tears streaming down her pale face.

"I'm so, so sorry! I should have locked the doors. Then none of this would have happened."

"What happened?" Helen asked again. "Joan, tell me. Did the car get stolen?"

"I'm so sorry. He had a gun. I had to let him do it."

"Oh, God. Honey, are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

Joan looked away, and Helen felt her heart stop. "_Please, God, not my baby girl…_" she pled silently. "Come in here, Sweetheart. Tell me what happened." Helen saw how her daughter held herself, how she moved, and her heart broke. She knew what had happened.

Will came into the kitchen minutes later. He took one look at Joan and immediately went to her side.

Joan turned tear filled eyes up to her father. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I'm really sorry."

Will saw tears in his wife's eyes as well, and knew this was something far more than Joan just being late for her curfew. "What's going on?"

"The car was stolen. The guy threatened her with a gun," Helen answered. She couldn't bring herself to say the rest.

"What? Are you ok, sweetie?" Will asked Joan as he put a hand on her shoulder. He was shocked when she flinched away from him, and he gave Helen a questioning, disbelieving look.

Tears escaping down her cheeks, she replied, "After you call this in, we need to take her to the hospital."

Will looked back at his daughter, who was noticeably trembling from fear and from shock. He felt sick as he knelt down next to her.

She looked down at her father's face. "I'm so sorry about the car, Daddy. Please don't be too mad at me," she choked out.

"I'm not mad at you, honey. Don't worry about the car. It doesn't matter." He spoke gently, hoping to avoid frightening her further. "Can you answer a couple of questions for me?"

He waited until she nodded before continuing. "Where did this happen? On your way home from Adam's?"

Joan nodded again. "He made me drive to an alley… H-he told me to get in the back…"

Will already knew the answer to his next question, but he had to ask it anyway. "What did he do to you?" Did he, did he rape you?"

His heart broke as Joan's face crumpled and she drew in a couple of shuddering, choking breaths before answering. "He put the gun by my head. I wanted to push him away, but he said he'd kill me, so I didn't move again. I'm sorry, Daddy, I didn't fight him like you taught me."

"No, honey, you did the right thing. You're here, and that's the most important thing. Can you tell me what he looked like?"

Joan described him as best as she could, but the memory of his face made her shake even harder.

Will desperately wanted to hug his little girl close, to comfort her. But remembering her earlier reaction to his hand on her shoulder, he instead rose to his feet and went to make the hardest report of his life.

TBC...

Please review! Please?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I realized I forgot to put the usual disclaimer on the last chapter, but you all know the drill – the characters here aren't mine, and I'm just borrowing.

Due to a computer glitch, I lost 3 pages of text. --sigh-- And since I decided I'm going to make an attempt to update about once a week, this is a shorter updated than originally intended.

Not too many people are reading this. --another sigh-- Maybe it's the combination of the fandom here being so quiet and that this story has an M rating. Or maybe it's just lack of interest in the subject matter. But many, many thanks to my two reviewers. If no one cared, I probably wouldn't bother.

TJ, since I know you love Joan/Adam stuff so much, I'm going to try to add some more in future chapters. Just for you. The original hand written story doesn't have all that much.

And now, on with the show:

* * *

Joan didn't remember getting into her father's car or the ride to the hospital, but somehow she was being led into the emergency room. Memories of the last time she had been there slammed into her mind. She remembered Judith's eyes slowly closing, the chaos of alarms sounding and people shouting, and then silence. She froze, and after a moment tried to break from her mother's hold and walk back out the door. Helen wrapped both arms around her and turned her back around. 

"Come on, honey."

"No. I can't be here. I don't want to be here," Joan heard herself say.

"I know. But we have to get you checked out. Make sure you're going to be ok."

Joan allowed herself to be led to the desk where her father stood with a female detective who had been waiting for them. Someone was saying something to her, but she didn't know what. It sounded muffled and far away.

The next thing she knew she was in an exam room and the nurse was handing her a hospital gown to change into, although she made no move to do so. The feeling like she was going to break into a thousand pieces was back again. Was this really happening? She was vaguely aware that her mother was saying something to her, but everything still sounded so far away and she couldn't focus on the words. Somehow, she was changed out of her clothes and into the gown, but she wasn't quite certain how that had happened, whether she'd done it herself or if her mother had. The only thing she really knew was she wanted to be almost anywhere but where she was.

Lying on the exam table, she tried to wish herself away again, but the sharp pain she felt as the doctor began the exam jolted her back into reality. The hands touching her were kind, but she wanted them to go away. She bit down hard on her tongue to keep from crying out. Then she heard the doctor mention something about stitches, and she decided she'd go back to focusing on other things, like the smell of her mother's perfume and the way she was gently threading her fingers through her hair.

Helen watched her daughter with increasing concern. She seemed to begin to retreat into herself once they'd arrived at the hospital, becoming less and less responsive as time went on. She barely reacted at all when photographs were taken or when the nurse took fingernail scrapings. She'd flinched and whimpered softly at the beginning of the pelvic exam, but now it seemed like she was totally shutting down, lying completely still and silent and staring blankly at the ceiling. The ice cold hand that had gripped hers so tightly just minutes before now lay limp within her own.

Helen wondered if Joan was even aware that she stepped out of the exam room so the detective could attempt to ask some questions. But she didn't have to wonder what her daughter was feeling; she knew all too well. And that somehow made it worse.

* * *

The drive home was silent, and Joan leaned her head against the window wearily. She suddenly felt so tired, more so than she had ever felt in her life, even with the Lyme Disease. Once inside the house, Joan looked at the staircase with trepidation. Walking was a little painful, and she was so tired she didn't know how she'd be able to climb the stairs. Her brothers had met them at the door, and Kevin read the total fatigue on Joan's face. 

"Hey sis, want a lift?"

She stared at him blankly, and he settled himself in the chair and held out his arms. Without really thinking, she sank onto his lap and leaned limply against him as the lift bore them to the second floor.

Helen got Joan tucked into bed, thankful she'd brought the pyjamas for Joan to change into at the hospital. As she'd found out earlier, trying to undress a 5'7" person was not easy. "Do you want me to stay with you, or would you like some time alone?" she asked as she brushed a stray lock of hair off Joan's face.

"I'm so tired. I just want to sleep."

Helen was relieved that Joan had at least answered her. She'd half expected her not to. "Ok. Just come get me if you need me."

Leaving the desk lamp on, Helen turned out the bedroom light and left Joan to sleep. Unfortunately, every time she closed her eyes she saw the man's face. She drifted off eventually, but so sooner than she fell asleep a nightmare began and the events of the evening replayed themselves. "Don't scream," the man in her dream said as he pulled the trigger.

Joan sat upright, gasping for breath. She lay back down, but she was too scared to close her eyes again, no matter how tired she was. Her fear stole over her and surrounded her like a blanket. The little noises of the sleeping house made her start, and the longer she laid there, the more freaked out she got. Eventually, she got out of bed and crept down the hall to her parents' bedroom. She quietly opened the door and stepped inside, waking Helen as she approached the bed.

"Honey?"

When Joan said nothing, Helen turned on the lamp on the bedside table. She took in Joan's ashen features and wide fear filled eyes and beckoned her closer.

"Come here, sweetheart."

She pulled back the covers and Joan slid into the bed next to her. Helen pulled her close when she felt how hard she was shaking, and Joan held on as though her life depended on it, turning her face into her mother's neck and trying to get as close as possible. Eventually, the soft voice murmuring in her ear and the gentle hands stroking her hair and back soothed Joan's exhausted mind and body into slumber.

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3a

A/N: Wow, this last week went fast, and as usual, I didn't get everything done that I wanted to, and this was all I could get typed up. So I'm going to call this chapter 3a. There's more to it, but I'm not altogether happy with it, so I'll try to smooth it out some before posting the rest. I'm going to keep trying to update every week, though.

Thanks so much to those who reviewed. I'm glad people are enjoying this story, and the reviews brighten my day.

Stuff with Adam/Joan and Will/Joan is coming in future chapters. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten! I'm actually going to try to focus a bit more on other characters besides Joan (the original version was extremely Joan-centric with not very much from other characters' points of view), since the rape didn't just happen to her but affects those around her so much as well. And it results in you all getting a longer story!

* * *

When the alarm sounded a couple of hours later, Will quickly turned it off, not wanting to wake his wife or especially his daughter. As he sat up, he noticed Helen was already awake, looking sadly at Joan while lightly rubbing her back.

"Helen? How long have you been awake?"

She said nothing, and Will sighed.

"You've been up ever since she came in here, haven't you?"

"Couldn't sleep."  
Will nodded. He knew the only reason he'd gotten any sleep was because he'd been out most of the previous night on a case and exhaustion had won out.

"I'll call the school for you. Let them know neither of you will be in today. I'll just say you're sick or something."

Helen nodded absently, still watching at their sleeping daughter.

* * *

Luke awoke with a start, and it took him a few moments to realize why he was so tired.

His mind went back to the previous night:

_Luke entered the kitchen for a snack before bed when he saw his dad ushering his mom and sister out the back door._

_"What's going on?"_

_His heart thumped a little harder when his dad turned to him – he'd never seen that look on his face before._

_"We're taking your sister to the hospital."_

_"Why? What's wrong?"_

_Will sighed heavily. "We'll be back later."_

_"But Dad-"_

_The door closed leaving Luke standing confused in the kitchen. The snack forgotten, he went upstairs to find Kevin._

_The two waited in the living room for what seemed like forever, flipping channels on the tv to pass the time. They spoke little, and they both jumped a little when they saw headlights as a car pulled into their driveway. One look at their parents and sister when the door opened told them that things were not good. At all._

_Will and Luke slowly climbed the stairs behind Kevin, Joan, and Helen, and once Helen took Joan into her bedroom, Kevin turned to Will in confusion and concern. "What's going on, Dad?"_

_Will looked weary, and motioned for his sons to follow him into Kevin's room. Luke sat on the bed facing Kevin, and Will sat heavily next to Luke._

_"What's wrong? Is it the Lyme Disease again?", Kevin asked._

_Will sat silently._

_"Dad?"_

_Will cleared his throat and began to speak softly. "Something happened tonight, guys." Both boys were stunned to realize he was fighting tears. He took a deep breath before continuing. "Joan was carjacked on her way home from Adam's house."_

_There was a moment of stunned silence, before Kevin, full of dread, asked, "What happened to Joan?"_

_There was no mistaking the tears in Will's eyes now. "Kev, he… She was…"_

_"No. No," Kevin shook his head, not wanting what he was thinking to be true but somehow knowing that it was._

_"What? What is it?" Luke asked nervously._

_"He raped her, didn't he, Dad."_

_Will just nodded, and Luke felt all the air go out of his lungs._

_The three sat there in a smothering silence until they heard Joan's bedroom door open and close. Will stood up. "It's late guys. Get some sleep," he said absently as he left the room._

_"Like that's going to happen," Kevin muttered. Luke nodded silently in agreement._

Somehow, though, sleep had come. Now it was morning on a new, wholly uncertain day. He headed out of his room to check on Joan, and noticing her bedroom door open, continued on downstairs. When he realized there was no one downstairs, he began to get worried. His concern increased when he went back upstairs and looked into Joan's room and saw that she wasn't there. Where was she? Had something else happened? He knocked on his parents' bedroom door, hoping they knew that Joan wasn't in her room. After a moment, Helen opened the door.

"Mom!"

"Shh! Please, don't wake your sister. The longer she sleeps, the better."

Luke exhaled sharply in relief when he saw Joan curled up in their parents' bed. "Sorry," he whispered. "Her room was empty. I got worried."

Helen smiled a little at her son's concern. "She came in here a few hours ago."

"You're not going to school today, are you?"

"No. But I want you to go."

"What am I supposed to tell Grace and Adam? You know they'll ask why she's not there."

"Your dad called us both in sick. Just tell them she's not feeling well."

"What about tomorrow?"

"We'll deal with that tomorrow."

* * *

Luke went to school, and as expected, both Adam and Grace wondered where Joan was. He told them she was sick, and tried to sound convincing even when Adam pointed out that she'd been fine when she left his house the night before. He worried his credibility might be shot when Lischak caught him completely zoned out in physics and he saw Grace give him a look. Fortunately he didn't have any other classes with Adam or Grace in the morning. When lunchtime rolled around, instead of going to the cafeteria, he found an empty classroom and called home. He fought the urge to throw his cell phone when he hung up. The sorrow and pain in his mother's voice was unmistakable. He took a deep breath and turned to find Grace watching him.

"I thought we were meeting in the bio closet. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

Grace had never heard him sound so closed off. Normally, she was one to let a person have their space, but she'd never seen Luke look like this and she suspected it had something to do with Joan, which also worried her a little.

"C'mon, Geek. Don't give me that. Did you just call home?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, I know you and your sister get along pretty well for siblings, but I don't see you calling home just to check in because she's sick. Rove said your mom's out today too, so it's not even like she's home alone."  
"It's nothing."

"By the way, you suck at lying. What's going on? It's got to be something big to make you zone out in physics like that. Is the Lyme Disease coming back or something?"

"No, it's not. Look, I can't talk about it, ok?!"

Grace was surprised to see tears in his eyes.

"Hey, it might help. Besides, you're freaking me out here. Is Joan ok?"

Luke wanted to flee the room but doubted Grace would let him. Besides, she was Joan's friend. He sat down in a chair as he struggled with what to tell her. "She got carjacked on her way home from Adam's last night."

"Holy shit. Is she alright?"

Luke was silent for a moment, and Grace started to get a bad feeling. "No. I don't know. It was late when Mom and Dad brought her home from the hospital, and then Mom put her to bed right away. She was still asleep when I left this morning."

"How bad was she hurt? Did she get knocked on that hard head of hers or something?"

Luke was quiet, and Grace sensed that now was definitely not a time for being anything but serious. "Hey, I'm sorry. Seriously, what happened? Luke?"

"I, I don't know if I should say. I don't know if she'd want me to."

"I'm either going to beat it out of you or I'm going to go over to your house and get it out of her, so just tell me." Grace was seriously freaked out.

"She was, um," Luke was having the same problem his father had last night - he couldn't get the horrible words to come out. He raised wet eyes to meet Grace's, hoping he could convey the words without actually having to speak them. She suddenly felt like she'd been punched in the gut as she understood what he couldn't say. She sat down heavily in a chair next to Luke.

"Oh, God."

Luke wondered absently if He was listening.

TBC...


End file.
